Of Gaea Read online

  The ribbon looked old and shiny in the places where it bent. It left her to believe this wasn’t the first time it had been carefully untied. The corners of the envelope were no longer crisp and up close it wasn’t as white as she had originally thought. The ribbon had left a light faded blue stain on the paper.

  When she opened it a dozen or so old photographs were revealed. The first photograph pulled out was of a man and a woman standing together holding a baby. The woman had to be Lyris which would make the man in the picture her father. Ari studied the image of her father.

  She had his hair. It was the first detail that jumped out at her. His was a deeper mahogany and waved ever so slightly. He wore it long and in the picture it was longer than hers and in a ponytail at the nape of his neck.

  His eyes were vivid blue; much like Sasha’s. While Sasha’s were faded winter sky blue, her fathers were vibrant blue topaz. She had their shape too.

  He had a handsome face, marred by a few day old beard. The baby looked tiny in his well-toned arms. He looked ridiculously happy. Ari flipped it over hoping for a date or inscription. Anything to give a hint as to when this had occurred.

  The love of my life, and our precious child. June 25th

  The date was four days after Ari’s birthday. She couldn’t tell whose handwriting it was; whether it was Lyris’s or Eryx there was no way of knowing. It made her sad on some level that she couldn’t even distinguish the handwriting of her parents. She wondered if Sasha felt that way sometimes about his parents.

  The next few photos were the same. She was being held by either Lyris or Eryx and they were radiantly happy. Even in the photos where they just sat and leaned into each other with a baby across their laps their joy was obvious. They smiled or laughed in every picture.

  There were photos of Lyris pregnant. She looked so young and yet fearless. Sometimes she was by herself and sometimes with Eryx. Ari’s favorite was one of Lyris staring out a window with both hands protectively around her belly. Her smile was soft, loving. As if she already loved the unborn child more than anything else in the world. Ari’s second favorite was Eryx on his knees kissing Lyris’s belly as her hands rested on the back of his head. It made Ari smile even as a tear trickled down her cheek.

  Their wedding photos were at the bottom of the stack. Lyris couldn’t have been any older than sixteen. The pastel green dress was simple and her hair was left down with a crown of flowers holding the veil in place. Even so young there was something about her that radiated strength and confidence. Something that Ari wished she had. Maybe it was love, real love that created that strength.

  There were people in the wedding photos she didn’t know yet could guess at from the interaction in the pictures. The woman kissing Lyris’s cheek and crying could be her grandmother; the woman with an arm around the old woman in another picture could be her sister, the great aunt mentioned by Nasya. Ghita was in a few pictures in a sunny yellow dress and even more interesting was Kleisthenes standing beside or very near Ghita in some.

  The photo that finally broke the dam holding her tears back was a simple one. It was only a profile of her parents. They weren’t kissing; they were about to or had just finished. Eryx’s forehead rested on Lyris’s and they looked at each other as if no one else in the world existed. There was no uncertainly or fear in either of them. They looked whole and solid. We love each other, the photo said, more than anything else in this world.

  Ari carefully put the photos back into the envelope. Then pulled out one of the notebooks and tucked the envelope safely inside. After she resituated the notebook she curled up and let the tears soak the pillow. She cried for parents she didn’t know; for a life she would never have. She cried for family she wish she could have and cried for the unknown person bound to die if she lived. In the end she cried herself to sleep.

  The creaking door woke her. Without moving, she checked her bedroom door but it was still closed. She shifted ever so slightly to look at the patio door.

  A familiar silhouette was frozen outside the door. Ari watched the shadow ease the door silently open. It slipped inside and closed the door just as soundlessly.

  Ari touched the lamp near her head and flooded the room with light. Sasha blinked in surprise. He held a finger to his lips before Ari could speak and walked lightly over to the bed. He climbed in behind her then reached up and shut the light off.

  “Ghita is pissed.” He murmured right into her ear. “She’s been at my house all evening shouting at da. Apparently she’s read your notebooks and spoken to Elias. She’s not happy with either result.”

  “Why did you sneak in?” Ari tried to ask as quietly as he spoke but her voice still sounded loud to her ears.

  “She’s forbidden me from coming over.” Sasha’s breath tickled her ear and she fought hard not to squirm. “Apparently I’m filling your head with silly notions.”

  Ari snorted despite herself. “She’s starting to annoy me.”

  “You’ll be eighteen next month. Just hold out a little longer. I only came to see if you were alright. Nasya told me what happened.”

  “Please don’t leave me alone in the dark.” Ari didn’t know where the request came from but now that she was awake there was no going back to sleep without feeling safe. Only Sasha could do that.

  He cautiously wrapped an arm around her torso and snuggled closer. “As long as I’m here nothing harms you. I’ve already promised it. Sleep in peace tonight.”

  Ari listened to the rhythmic beating of his heart and let it lull her to sleep.

  A slammed door and heavy bang on the bedroom door pulled her out of sleep. Startled she glanced around for Sasha but the bed was empty. The door opened without her acknowledgement.

  Ghita’s Sunday dress looked like something that could have made her an extra in a Mary Poppins play. It just passed her knees and her stockings modestly covered her exposed legs. Her Sunday hat was over the top, but as far back as Ari’s memory reached Sunday church always warranted the Sunday hat.

  “You’re not up or dressed?” Ghita sighed. “I thought we agreed you were coming to church with me today.”

  Ari yawned lazily and watched the muscle in Ghita’s jaw twitch. “I haven’t been to Sunday church since I was…” Ari counted on her fingers. “Ten. I don’t believe in your faith. We both know that. We’ve already discussed that. Or do you not remember yesterday’s patio discussion?”

  “You haven’t given it a chance.” She strode into the room; her perfume waked in her path. “You should at least try.”

  “I have no interest in it.” Ari flopped back down in her bed. “I tried the first ten years of my life. You know what I feel when I go to your church? I feel oppressed. Dragged down by a heavy weight that isn’t my own.” Ari bit her lip and forced herself to stop. She had never told Ghita, and she really hadn’t intended to tell her why she had stopped in the first place.

  Ghita stopped rummaging through Ari’s closet and turned to face her. “What did you say?”

  Ari shrugged indifferently. The words couldn’t be unsaid. “I can’t go to your church. I’m not welcome there. I feel anything but welcome. I never told you because I thought you’d tell me I was making it up or that I wasn’t trying hard enough. Neither is something I wanted to hear so I just found simpler ways of avoiding it. Like being at Sasha’s house on Sunday.”

  “It’s not possible.” Ghita marched over to the bed. “That can’t be possible.”

  “What you want for me and what I want for myself are two different things. I’m not like you, Ghita.” Ari gave her a patient look. “I’m not sure what I am yet, but I know it’s not like you.”

  She flinched. “I am your mother in every way but one.”

  “Do you really want to have this argument now?” Ari sat back up. “Where were you when I got hit by the car? Where were you every time I went to an Archery tournament? Where were you when I was the track and field star of the school? Where have you been all my life? Would you like me to tell
you? You were at church. Or doing something with the church. Or with Lyris. You never once came out to support me. Sasha and Kleisthenes did. And when Nasya started as an exchange student, she did too. Where have you been? You’re not a mother. You never were. You’re a caretaker.” Ari flopped back down and closed her eyes to avoid seeing the hurt in Ghita’s face. Ari was hurt nearly as much. She needed Ghita to be a mother, at any point in her life it would have been welcome, but Ghita, had only cared for her sister and herself.

  “I’ll be back in time to make supper.” Ghita said very quietly as her footsteps retreated to the door.

  “Don’t bother. Have dinner with the ladies like you’ve always done. I’ll go down to Sasha’s for dinner like I’ve always done.” Ari replied without moving.

  The door quietly clicked and a few minutes later Ari heard the car start.

  “That was unkind.”

  Ari didn’t even jump at Sasha’s voice. She cracked open an eye and found he was seated at the foot of the bed.

  “You hid under the bed?”

  He nodded. “It’s Sunday. She wouldn’t have scooted down to look in those heels.”

  “I’m alright by myself Sasha. You can go home.”

  His eyes studied her; she could feel the worried scan. “No. What’s bothering you?”

  Ari sighed. “Everything. I just need some time Sasha. I need to figure out how much of my life is truth and how much is lie.”

  “Who you are hasn’t changed. What you know has. That’s all. So you know more now than you did before. That doesn’t change the archery master, the straight A student, the tracking master. What it changes is simply the knowing.”

  Ari scooted up slowly. “How does this not affect the way I think? The way I perceive things?”

  He shrugged. “I know it’s a shock but it’s not changed Ghita any. She’s still on her way to church on Sunday morning. You, on the other hand, are lying here moping.”

  “So okay, fine. I know stuff now I didn’t know before. What do I do with it?”

  He smiled. “Whatever you want. You are still you no matter what you do with the knowledge.”

  Ari ran a hand through her hair and it got stuck. “Well, I know I need a shower. Go home Sasha. I’m going to clean up and then I’ll be over.”

  He patted her foot and stood. “I’ll send Nasya over.”

  “It’s not necessary.”

  “I never said it was. But you’ll feel better with someone else in the house and I don’t exactly have the right body to sit in the bath with you.”

  Ari gave him a once over but to actually say the words she thought would change the dynamics of their friendship. She couldn’t stand the thought of losing him over something so trite. He may have changed his entire life for her, but she lived hers for him. Without Sasha, she would have ended things a long time ago.

  When he realized she wasn’t going to say anything he shook his head and exited the way he had come in. The silent click of the door left her feeling as if something vital had come and gone. It was almost as if Sasha had been waiting for her to retort with an okay of some kind. Was he trying to change the dynamics of their friendship? She cowered away from the thought and grabbed her things to wash instead.

  The shower felt deliciously wonderful. Since Ghita was at church there was no one to knock every five minutes to ask if Ari was okay. The first week home from the hospital it was alright. The second week it was tolerable but now it was just downright aggravating.

  “I’m here now.”

  Ari yelped and jerked open the curtain to see Nasya seated on the toilet lid. “Why do you do that?”

  Nasya shrugged. “I am a quiet footed person.”

  Ari closed the curtain and went back to washing. “Sometimes I wonder if you’re a person at all with the way you come and go.”

  Nasya’s laughter filled the tiny room. “You’re learning. Your notebook is sitting here. May I read what you have so far?”

  “Sure. I want your thoughts on some things anyway.”

  Ari didn’t hurry through her shower as she would have if Sasha had been seated outside the bathroom door patiently waiting. She scrubbed once with an exfoliating soap then a second time with a moisturizing one. She did feel slightly guilty for keeping Nasya in the hot bathroom so long, so she didn’t treat her hair after conditioning it. When Ari shut the water off Nasya’s hand was instantly there with her towel.

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome. I’m very interested in what you’ve written. And this diagram is fascinating.”

  “It’s the diagram I wanted your opinion on. Do you think it will work?” Ari wrapped the towel around herself and pulled the curtain open.

  Nasya’s face was flushed and her hair slightly frizzed from the heat. However she seemed genuinely pleased and excited over the notebook. “I’d be most happy to discuss it and I think I know just who can make this work, too. Sasha will have to take you though.”

  “Really? Are you sure?”

  Nasya nodded. “Absolutely. I’ll bring some clothes in. Dry off, will you?” Nasya stood and went to fetch some clothes.

  An hour later Nasya and Ari had modified the research in the notebook. It was more advanced than Ari could have done by herself. They sat on the patio in the sun to enjoy the summer day while plotting.

  “I feel like there are better runes we could be using.” Ari complained for what seemed like the millionth time that hour.

  “There probably are, but you would need a thaumaturge for that. They have books upon books of old magic. We only have Google.”

  “I wish there was a way to know whose life line I’m bound to.”

  Nasya reached across the table and squeezed Ari’s hand. “We’ll make this work. Yes, the script could be better, and yes, it would be nice to know who’s tied to you but we can only work with what we’ve got.”

  “I’m worried, Nasya.”

  “Sasha will take you to Goddess Ink tomorrow. When you get there ask for Leonidas. If he gives you any lip tell him Nasya Monoceros sent you.” Nasya smiled. “He will help you whether he wishes to or not.”

  “Nasya I’m not sure threatening someone is a valid way to get their help.”

  “It’s not a threat. It’s simply fact. He is Greek and of a bloodline nearly as old as yours. He is required to be what he was made to be whether he wishes it or not. He swims against the current, Ari. He thinks he can outrun his fate. He cannot. No one can.”

  “I don’t know, Nasya… it still doesn’t feel right to just jump right in and toss your name at him. Are we swimming against the current too? Why are there so many Greeks around, anyway? I don’t remember there being this many before.”

  Nasya nodded. “It is and it isn’t. You were not supposed to die. Gaea wants you here and so here you are. We are not to question why. And,” She smiled coyly, “Why would you remember something you were not meant to see?”

  Ari bit her lip. “Nasya, can you answer something for me?”

  She tipped her head curiously. “I can try.”

  “Why did you reference me as Gaea’s child? Why did Erelah?”

  Her eyes grew sad. “You should ask Gaea.” Nasya stood. “I must go but I’ll send Sasha over. You should try for more sleep you will need the energy.”

  Ari watched Nasya walk away puzzled. What was Nasya hedging at? Ask Gaea? Ask Gaea how? And was she really considering trying to talk to a forgotten Goddess about a name?

  School passed in a blur on Monday. Ari couldn’t concentrate on anything but what could go wrong that afternoon at Goddess Ink. Being negative was foolish but she had been down this road before. However, this idea had Nasya’s support and felt more substantial than what she had tried on her own.

  Sasha was quiet. Far more quiet than Ari was comfortable with. When she had shown him what she and Nasya had created he had seem to withdraw. Now, as he pushed her wheelchair in a direction she didn’t know, she felt the weight of his silence.

  “Are yo
u going to tell me what’s wrong yet?”

  He pushed the wheelchair from behind so Ari didn’t have the benefit of watching his face as he spoke. “There’s nothing wrong.”

  Except that if her plan worked he would lose everything that ever held meaning. The idea was sound, so he couldn’t go against it. If he did it would make him a coward and it would hurt Ari. He would do anything to keep from hurting her. The fact was he just wasn’t ready to say goodbye to Ari. And there was no way for her to be healed without saying goodbye.

  “Sasha if you don’t like this idea we can trash it and try something else.” Ari tipped her head back as far as she could and smiled. “I trust your thoughts, too.”

  He shook his head. “Nasya’s advice is sound. I trust her as much as you trust me. It’s Leonidas I’m wary of.”

  “You know him?”

  Sasha scoffed. “Of course. But he’s a wild card. I don’t like relying on him. I wish there was someone else.” Someone he could trust her life with but he didn’t say it out loud.

  “Let’s just see what happens.” Ari tapped the notebook idly. “I don’t like using these runes. If Leonidas can’t provide alternatives that feel right I won’t do it.”

  “Let’s just hope he’s not in a mood.” Sasha muttered under his breath.

  The building reminded Ari of an old Native American pueblo. Other than the front door there were no windows or other openings on the lower level. There was a relief of the earth and moon in the stucco and the scrolling banner announced Goddess Ink. Otherwise, she would not have guessed it to be where they were going.

  Sasha held the door so Ari could roll in. For a place with no windows it was surprisingly bright and clean inside. There were skylights every few feet that flooded the space with natural light. The floors were a natural wood that reflected the light back. The walls were decorated like an art gallery. There was a short bar in the same natural wood color. A cash register and some thick leather bound binders sat on the bar. Besides the minimal furnishings it was an empty space with an archway decorated in red velvet curtains that led further into the building.